Forbidden
by Jackrabbit2011
Summary: I was intoxicated by him, but he didn't want anything to do with me; I didn't blame him, if I could, I wouldn't have anything to do with me either. Part I of a trilogy.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: **Another Sirius/Oc fic I'm afraid (I would have used Remus, because I wanted to, but everyone portrays him as the intellectual type in their stories, so a lot of you out there will probably automatically assume that what he's like in this, and I don't plan to use any dialogue, so it will be difficult to get the message across and I need a character less… whimpish, if you'll forgive me for saying so. **

Disclaimer: **Not claiming **

When we were together, Sirius and I used to attract blank stares and hostile jeers from everyone. I couldn't understand it; what was so wrong about the two of us? Why us in particular? It was a school; there were thousands of couples pronouncing their attraction to each other everywhere you looked.

Not that we had shown our affection publicly, though. Both of us were quiet types; preferring each-others company to the rest of the world.

Even the teachers gave us dirty looks if we so much as sat next to each other in the lessons, they zeroed in on us like hawks; even though I couldn't prove it, I knew that they talked about us in the staffroom.

The thoughts made my blood boil as more memories came; of getting cornered by Malfoy and beaten the crap out of, of me being restrained as the person I loved was dealt the same blows as I had; that had hurt far worse than anything that scrawny, ferret prick could ever have done to me. Of getting separated in the lessons if we were meant to pair up with someone, the cold glares of the teachers as they issued the order for us move away from each other; and the barely concealed implication behind the words; _stay away. _

All that for loving someone.

……………………………………………………………………………….

I saw him in the Common Room the next day.

My hastily reconstructed heart shattered; the cracks that had only recently even begun to think about disappearing returning with a vengeance; the glass-like shards buried themselves into the walls of the empty cavern where my heart used to lie, pressing deeper until I almost cried out in agony. Only a small, broken whimper escaped my lips. My suffering remaining unnoticed- or irrelevant- to the people around me.

Tears threatened to well at my constantly damp eyes; and I fought them back furiously. I couldn't start crying here; if I did I wouldn't stop. If I did, then everyone would know that I still loved him, that I was still a _freak_…

In that second that it took to renovate my internal walls of self-control, the boy I had yearned for; cried over; had my heart splintered over for two solid months lifted his head and met my eyes.

I ran.

The tears overwhelmed me, and I let them cascade down my cheeks in salty torrents. I didn't care about anything anymore; my life held no meaning now that _he _treated me like a stranger.

Back when I had him with me, I could take the abuse, the mutterings and glares because none of it mattered except that I had him to care about me, the one person who genuinely knew what it felt like to be hated for what I was.

I kept on running.

I wanted to run forever; to forget what the students of Hogwarts had said about me and Sirius, what they were probably still saying; to leave the wretched people who had forced us apart far behind where they couldn't continue to hurt me.

I stopped at the entrance of the school grounds and collapsed in a broken, sobbing heap on the grass beneath the towering, granite wall that divided Hogwarts and Hogsmeade.

I drew my knees up against my body and wrapped my arms around my head in an attempt to brace myself against the increasing wind; a comforting circle of warmth that hid me from the rest of the world and all its hatred.

It began to rain.

Not the pleasant, summer rain that falls in April and spreads warmth and freshness through your body; no, this was cold, unmerciful rain that hammered through my weak barricades and swiftly soaked me through, making my laugh through my drenched arm; it _was_ December after all. It didn't take long for my teeth to chatter and my skin to rise in goose bumps, but I didn't make any bid for Hogwarts. _Besides, _I thought bitterly as the rain continued to hammer earthwards until my whole frame vibrated in rhythm to it hitting the grass around me. _Who cares if I catch pneumonia and die? It's not like I'll be missed. _

The dominant part of my mind urged me to remain where I was and freeze; to let go of the strings that bound me to my personal hell, to be free of the never-ending pain that ripped through my chest whenever I thought of Sirius. This was a cruel, bitter world, where you had to be exactly what everyone wanted you to be to be excepted, and there was no place for me in it.

Suddenly the rain didn't seem quite so harsh; it was my release, the thing that would let me leave this place and just be what I wanted to be. I lifted my head from the confines of my arms and stared up at the clouded-swathed sky, letting the water-droplets kiss my face, allowing my mind to drift; to take me somewhere else entirely from where I really was, with the person I so dearly wanted to be allowed to be with.

Which was why I only noticed that someone was sitting next to me when I felt the gentle, incredibly familiar touch on my shoulder.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I remember, back the beginning of October, when I had been so naïve; convinced that our love couldn't be tainted by the glares and spiteful insinuations, one memory was especially vivid:

_We were sitting in our favourite spot; beneath the Snurgle tree, hunched together on bench of rose-wood, feeding each other the sweet, flamboyantly-coloured fruit off the tree above us and grinning like lunatics. Our hands were intertwined and we were talking, giggling in our intimacy-induced high. _

"_Sirius …" I whispered, as he leaned forward and kissed me fully. He murmured in reply, prompting me on. _

"_Will you always love me?" My question made him still, take his lips from my neck and look directly in my silver eyes. _

"_What kind of question," He said quietly, without breaking our eye contact. "Is _that_?" _

_I looked down at our entwined fingers, saying nothing. I felt his fingers on my chin, and I let him lift my face until I was staring into his black eyes again. _

"_I will love you forever." He promised, and I could see that he meant it. "Whatever those pricks out there say." _

_I knew that he meant Malfoy and his cronies. _

"_So will I." I sighed and rested my head on his chest, the comforting weight of his arms encircling my shoulders. _

Those words were empty.

After one and half months of the circulating rumours, the whispers and glares -student and teachers alike- and the abandonment of our friends, Sirius left me. He told me he couldn't take it anymore.

And with that, two months of being in love, of feeling complete for once in my life, of the plans for the future were shattered with four simple words.

_I don't love you anymore. _

That's what he'd said when I pleaded with him, begged him not to leave me alone.

I saw the pain in his eyes for a second then before the emotionless mask slid back into place.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I gazed into the black eyes of the boy sitting next to me, his shoulder touching mine, sending my body into unintentional shudders.

For the first time in three months, his eyes were unguarded; during the last two weeks of our relationship, they had been cold and emotionless, now they were open and free.

They told me everything.

I didn't need to know that he had never meant what he had said to me when he cut off our relationship -and with it my heart-, that he still cared about me whatever the pricks at the school thought.

I didn't need him to tell me with words that he, Sirius Black, still loved me like the day he had first said it.

Neither did he need to be told that I still loved him, and that I had never stopped, even though I had told everybody that I had.

Without thinking, I kissed him.

It was stupid; being together was forbidden, we weren't allowed to love each other, so why open up wounds that were hard enough to heal anyway? I expected him to push me away, tell me I was an idiot and that I should move on, like I should have done if he had kissed me.

He didn't do any of the things he should have done.

Instead he kissed me right back.

God, how I missed his kisses. Passionate and warm; like something that you could curl up in and fall sleep.

I could smell _his_ smell too; the spicy yet musky scent that clung to him like a second skin. I inhaled, filling myself with the odour, becoming intertwined with him again like we used to; our bodies fitted together like two puzzle pieces- we were and always had been made for each other.

We broke apart and looked at each other. I was acutely aware that his body was still pressed against mine, my back leaning on the wall behind me. The rain had slowed to a drizzle. As I gazed into his eyes once more, I knew that we would be together again, and proud of it. It wasn't going to be easy; people would still stare at the two boys holding hands in the classroom, kissing discreetly under the Snurgle tree, still mutter and make jokes about them. But right now, none of it mattered that I probably wouldn't have any friends or family, that everyone would hate me, because I would have Sirius with me every step of the way.

A/N**: Good? Bad? Tell me…**

**Oh, and did anyone realise that it was a gay fic before the fifth-last line? Just a-wonderin'. I didn't want to make it too obvious, because I wanted this fic to be about the passion of teenage love and all the emotions that go with it, not about all the giggly gay-stuff that seems so funny to people. **

**So, yeah, tell me what you thought by reviewing. I would like to hear what you think. **

_**A**_**T**


	2. Author Note

**TO ALL READERS **

**A/N: **I was going to write another chapter, but the chapter I wrote was so long it would've killed you- literally, I'm not exaggerating- to read it, so I decided to break it into parts and make it into a sequel instead. The sequel will be called **Past**, and I'll be putting it up soon- after some minor adjustments. It'll have two- probably more- chapters, and it's set approximately one year before** Forbidden**. Please read and tell me what you think of it!

_**A**_**T**

**PS. I thought it suited this one to have only one chapter, and I'll be completing this one after this has been submitted, so if you would like to read the other two stories (I'll be making it into a trilogy- Past will be sort of a prequel and Future a sequel: the names will change don't panic!) I would suggest putting an alert on this or my bio-page thing, so you know when I create it. **


End file.
